If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably had moments—especially during pregnancy or early postpartum—where you wondered, Am I doing enough? That quiet guilt of not engaging every second with your child can sneak in quickly. I’ve felt it with each of my kids, and if I’m honest, it’s still there some days. But recently, I was reminded of a simple truth: independent play is not only okay—it’s incredibly beneficial.
Why Independent Play Matters (According to Research):
A fascinating study from Stanford University explored the effects of too much parental involvement on child development. Surprisingly, the findings showed that constantly guiding, correcting, or hovering during play can actually hinder a child’s natural curiosity and creativity (Stanford-led study highlights the importance of letting kids take the lead). Children need space to explore, make decisions, and engage their imagination—without us steering every moment.
Additional studies echo this truth: (Independent Play can Boost Confidence, Creativity, and So Much More)
- Solo play boosts creativity. When children aren’t given a script, they invent their own stories and problems to solve.
- It builds confidence. Facing small challenges alone teaches problem-solving and resilience.
- It nurtures emotional development. Kids learn to regulate feelings and manage boredom in healthy ways.
My Personal Struggle with “Doing Enough”:
Even knowing all of this, I’ve had to wrestle with the guilt that creeps in. I’ve often thought, Should I be doing more crafts? Reading another book? Playing pretend kitchen just one more time? That mom guilt is real. But the truth is, there is grace here. Children are growing even when we step back. In fact, sometimes they’re growing because we step back.
Preparing for a New Baby—and Letting Go:
Lately, with our new baby on the way, I’ve found myself needing more rest—especially in the evenings. When my husband comes home and has had a moment to shower and reset, he often takes the lead with our 18-month-old. And honestly? That simple shift has been a gift. Not only for me—but for her.
She’s been spending more time in solo play, and I’ve had the chance to watch her instead of constantly doing. And what I see? It’s beautiful. Her imagination is blooming—stacking blocks into “castles,” talking to her stuffed animals like they’re her best friends, giggling at the silly stories she makes up all on her own. It’s not passive time; it’s purposeful, self-led learning.
Faithful Encouragement for the Mama in the Middle of It:
If you’re feeling guilty for needing a break, please hear this, sweet friend: God designed your child with an incredible capacity to explore and learn—right in the middle of your everyday life. Independent play can be one of the tools He uses to help them flourish.
And you? You are not failing by stepping back for a few moments of rest. You are modeling balance, boundaries, and trust in your child’s abilities. That’s a beautiful thing.
How to Support Independent Play Without Guilt:
- Set up a safe, simple play space with open-ended toys.
- Rotate toys weekly to keep things fresh.
- Let your child play within sight—but not under constant direction.
- Use phrases like “I love watching what you’re creating!” instead of guiding them.
- Remind yourself that boredom breeds creativity—it’s okay for them to sit and think.
Final Thoughts:
Watching my daughter blossom in her independent play has reminded me that I don’t have to do it all—and neither do you. We’re planting seeds of confidence and curiosity when we step back in love. As we prepare to welcome our newest little one, I’m learning to rest in that truth more and more.
And friend, if you’re in a season where you need that permission—take it. Your little one is learning, imagining, and thriving… even while you rest.
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